If you ask me, mums are highly sensitive people especially new mums who are still new to the motherhood thing and has to learn almost everything overnight. And as far as dads are concerned, you lot are simply doomed. Yes, doomed.
Why? Well, you can be a scientist, an investment banker, a fire fighter, a cop or anything under the sun but the fact that remains that splitting oneself in half to bring out a tiny human being into this world and being responsible for his or hers every need is one heck of a job and cannot be ever, ever, EVER compared to anything. So, here’s a handy note to all you dads out there about things you should never ever, ever, EVER say to new mums.
Read it, comprehend it and make a blueprint of it all over your brain because it can just make your life a wee bit easier.
Sleep when the baby sleeps:
I know you mean well. But please refrain from saying these words because chances are she will snap-back with her racoon eye and ask you when is she supposed to go for a wee, take a bath, have one teeny-tiny minute to herself. When? As you would not have an answer to this just bite those words even before it comes out of your mouth.
Wow, you look tired:
Yes, that’s exactly the look new, sleep-deprived mums are going for.
Boy, am I tired?!
You could have trekked to Mount Everest and made it in one day but still do NOT talk about being tired because continuously feeding a baby, changing their diapers, cleaning the poop, pee, walls and floor all done mostly with one free hand and one hand holding your munchkin is a physically and emotionally exhausting task. So sorry but not sorry your own tiredness is nothing compared to hers.
Anything about breastfeeding:
Sure you sat through the breastfeeding class and even diligently took notes but for the sake of your health and happiness just do not say anything about breastfeeding. Keep in mind a simple mathematical formula if you ever feel the urge to say anything about the subject: no boobs = no talk about breastfeeding. It really is that simple.
Are you in the mood?
This one is easy to misconstrue. One fine day, after you return from work, you would have realised that she has taken shower, has put on a freshly laundered top, has a hint of make-up and has even shaved her legs. You might be inclined to think that this is your lucky night. But do not ask this question because unless the activity in your mind involves ten hours of uninterrupted sleep (for her) the answer is
probably definitely no.
What did you do all day?
Here’s the answer: She has fed, cleaned, burped and calmed the baby some zillion times. Usually, she has already done it ten times before 7AM and on top of that she has made some breakfast, cleaned the poop smeared carpet some ten times and looked after other essential things for the baby the whole day while making sure her own sanity has not gone down the door. See, babies are notoriously dependant on their mums for every single thing and looking after one is not exactly a holiday. So do not ever ask this question, no matter what.
Anything about her weight, shape and size:
If you care for your own safety do not go there because hell hath no fury like a postpartum, hormonal woman surprised and shocked by her body’s change. So DO NOT GO there.